Top 10 Reasons I Would Rather Eat Dirt Than Shop Wal-Mart

Top 10 – Why I Try NOT to Shop at Wal-Mart

I know the prices are low at Wal-Mart. They have a huge selection of goods. It’s one-stop shopping – everything from getting a haircut and eyes checked to tires changed and groceries for the week.

Still, I dread going to Wal-Mart. My hands start to sweat before I even get in the parking lot. By the time I’m in the door, I’ve lost my list and stepped in chewing gum. It goes downhill from there.

Here are the first 10 things that I hate most about Wal-Mart:

1. There’s always a big woman with children parked sideways rather than lengthwise with an overflowing cart on the isle I need to visit. I have these visions of a fire breaking out and no way possible to get around the dysfunctional family gathered in the kitchenware isle.

2. They hide the candy at Wal-Mart. All normal stores have candy with the food. Wal-Mart puts it over next to the toys - clear across the store from the groceries. By the time I get back over to the candy (which I always forget is on the other side), I’ve burned enough calories to justify eating the candy on the way home. Then, I have no candy and need to go back to Wal-Mart.

3. Wal-Mart shoppers must go through a lot of toilet paper. If they have normal size packs of TP, I never find those. I end up with a 24 roll pack that takes up the whole cart. If I need paper towels too, then I can’t even see around all that paper balanced precariously on top of my other stuff.

4. The soda pops on sale are always stacked so high that I can’t reach the top to get a 24 pack which is darn heavy to start with. One day I’m sure I will inch it forward, the cube of Pepsi will topple off and bean me – or worse some poor kid who happens to walk by at the wrong time.

5. Does Wal-Mart milk their own cows? They sure think highly of the milk based on the prices. They charge more than any store in town, and I’m sure it’s because they know no one wants to make another stop just for lower priced milk. That’s OK though. I still go to the BP and save a buck or two.

6. The person with “the key” is never handy at Wal-Mart. Not only do they lock the glass cases with games, they have figured out how to lock the little displays with things like media cards and batteries. These do not look locked, and it took me about 15 minutes to figure it out. The security tape will probably show up on YouTube one of these days – confused lady turns media card pack every direction before figuring out she needs to find key man.

7. How do you buy stuff outside at Wal-Mart when they don’t have a cash register out there? Do you load up all that mulch and cow manure and haul it inside and around the store, or do you tell the cashier that you want some random stuff outside? This is a mystery and why I get bags of yard materials at the Farm Bureau.

8. They do clean the bathrooms at Wal-Mart. I can attest to that. Every time I happen to need to go (which I try very hard not to have to do), there’s a sign up saying the bathroom is closed for cleaning. It’s never the men’s bathroom, which I would guess needs cleaning more than the ladies room though I could be wrong on that. I’ve been sorely tempted to run in the men’s bathroom real quick, but I’m restrained myself – so far.

9. That bag roulette wheel at Wal-Mart is just plain odd. I’m putting my stuff on the conveyer belt, getting out my credit card, swiping and signing. Meanwhile, my purchases are going in bags and circling around like those ducks at the country fair. I always wonder if I missed a bag and probably have.

10. That beep, beep, beep thing that goes off when I go out the door at Wal-Mart drives me nuts. Let’s announce to the world that Cyndi and her kids are shoplifters. Of course we’re not. It’s always some random little something clearly marked on the receipt. In fact, we look so NOT like shoplifters that we usually get waved right through but only after everyone looks to see who got nailed by the happy Wal-Mart greeter Granny.

It’s not all bad at Wal-Mart, and I do shop there when I can’t find an excuse to get out of it. When I actually catch my breath enough to look around, I see some most interesting people. Today we ended up behind a prostitute I’m pretty sure. I yelled, “Don’t look Ethel” and covered the boys’ eyes. We ducked down the bread lane and blocked the isle talking to a couple of kids I taught at the college. I’m glad a fire did not break out, and I’m sorry for anyone who was wanting bagels. It’s the Wal-Mart way.

Moral of the Story - If I need anything THAT bad and they do not have it here other than Wal-Mart I will try to buy it online. If I must go to Wal-Mart I close my eyes and run like the devil is on my heels.

Food Fight - Someone Plays Dirty with a Cheeseburger

What do you do if you get mad at someone?

Hum. I'm thinking that maybe you might talk to that person.

Someone else maybe had another idea. As reported in the Herald of Rock Hill, SC, a woman was having problems with her car. It would crank but then quit.

Not good.

Turns out someone stuffed a cheeseburger complete with a pickle in the gas tank. That gives a whole new meaning to "food fight."

This may not sound like a huge deal, but the cost to repair a cheeseburgered car is $1000. OUCH!

OK. Perhaps this was not an intentional deed of food warfare. The case has not been solved yet. So, how could a cheeseburger end up in your gas tank if someone was not just gunning for you and being a major jerk?

Let me count the ways a cheeseburger accidently gets in the gas tank, and feel free to add your ideas!

Cheeseburger in Gas Tank Theory Challenge - Top 10 Ways it Got in There

1. It was dark, and someone thought the car was the refrigerator.

2. There were no trash cans around, and the person who jammed the cheeseburger in the gas tank did not want to liter.

3. Someone tripped and the cheeseburger just happened to fly in the gas tank hole.

4. One of the kids knew that the other kids in the family would eat the cheeseburger and just hid it in the gas tank for later.

5. The driver was eating the cheeseburger and it fell in the gas tank when she was filling up her car with gas.

6. Someone ordered the burger without pickles and got the gas tank confused with the drive through window hole.

7. The drivers date did not want to tell her he hates cheeseburgers so jammed it in the gas tank and pretended he ate it so as not to hurt her feelings.

8. The cheeseburger was cold, and someone thought the gas tank would heat it back up and spit it back up.

9. The car looked hungry, and some kind soul decided to feed it.

10. The car was sold with the cheeseburger in the tank from the factory, and it just took a while for it to break down enough to cause engine problems.

Moral of the Story - Do not put cheeseburgers in your gas tank and do not hang out with people who do things like that.